We had talked about practicing rapids together before we left on our trip. Somehow, everything else we needed to plan came first instead. Right now, all those times we had talked about it didn’t matter. We were here and we were doing it. Today was the first section of rapids that we truly contemplated running (above Trail Rapids). The other option was to walk 8.9 miles of road to Clayburg. This option cut down on 4 of those miles. In truth, I did not want to run them. Calvin seemed so confident in our abilities that we could run them, that I too was convinced. It was either try and fail and know how to approach the rest of our trip or not try and be afraid of rapids for the rest of our trip. It seemed better to at least try. This morning, as we packed up, we made sure to dry our items in as much as possible, set aside warm clothes in case we went swimming, and secure everything in the boat.
Calvin and I had just scouted most of the length of the rapids and had decided on a good route to take. Technically, these were class II rapids, but at current water levels, I questioned this. It had been rainy most of the morning, so we were bundled up in rain jackets and boots. I truly hoped we were not going to go swimming. Calvin helped me back into the boat and we prepared to enter the rapids. A rock sat in the pit of my stomach. I did my best to try to think good thoughts. We are capable paddlers. We can do this. Maybe if I stay positive, it will be better. He gave me a kiss, but it didn’t settle my nerves.
As we entered the rapids, I felt as though I wasn’t entirely present. One stroke. Two stroke. We seemed to be okay. Oh crap, a rock. I pulled us away from it as best I could, but perhaps I had just pulled us out of our planned route. I didn’t know. Dammit. Where did that rock come from? The dark water and gray sky seemed to hide all the rocks in the water today. We hit it sideways and I panicked. I knew we were going in. The upstream side of the boat began to fill with water, but instead of hoping we could save ourselves, I ejected out of the boat, assuming it was going to happen anyway. I looked back to see Calvin and know that we were okay. He remained calm.
I held the side of the upside-down boat and moved behind the bow. Calvin told me to swim to shore. I knew he didn’t want me to get pinned by the bow on a rock or something. The right shore was closest. I then realized that my paddle was floating in the water. I went to reach it, but water was already pulling it away. A few hundred dollars floated away down the river and my heart sank. Goddamit. I swam to shore as Calvin directed me, keeping my feet downstream. It was more difficult than I expected to move directionally to the side. My feet constantly bumped on rocks and I splashed my way over until I could stand and get onto shore. Calvin was still with the boat, moving downstream. He was now river left though. I gave him the thumbs up when he looked over at me. He seemed to be trying to pull the boat to the shore as much as possible. I was worried about him, but I also knew how capable he is, so I almost expected him to be fine. But things were not fine, not really. My heart was beating out of my chest.
I saw him tying the boat up just out of the water on the other side and we tried to talk to each other. A river now separated us. I was on the wrong side. We knew that the road was on his side, somewhere. What the hell were we going to do next?
“Are you okay?” he shouted.
“Yes!” I yelled as loud as I could.
I tried to move downriver to be more directly across from him. It was hard to talk over the rushing river. The trees were dense though, and it was hard to get a good viewing point. I looked across the river for him again, but couldn’t see him. Bright green rain jacket. Where was he? Mine was red. He must be able to see me.
I lost him for quite some time. Adrenaline pulsed through me as I moved along the bank, not sure whether to go up or downstream, but I moved downstream. Then, I decided to stay put where I was with a decent view across the river.
“Beth! Bettthhh!”
I was hearing my name. Was it from across the river or on my side? The sound moved closer. He was on my side.
“I’m here!” I yelled. “Calvin!”
I ran down the bank. When I saw him, he had a look of distress on his face and was nearly in tears. He took my head in his hands and kissed me. He thought that something had happened to me, that maybe I’d tried to swim across. I cried briefly in his arms, but knew that it wasn’t all over yet. I needed to keep it together. We walked downriver to choose a point to swim back across. Still, my nerves ran high and my heart was thumping. We had to swim at a diagonal upstream to make it across before some strainer trees on the other side. With my lifejacket on, a few extra pounds of wet clothes and shoes, and the adrenaline, I wasn’t sure I could make it across, but I needed to.
We started swimming. It was much more difficult than I had expected. I had passed tests to be a pool lifeguard before, but nothing like this. I felt as though I was getting nowhere. How much longer could I sustain this? I needed to or I would be swept down river. Calvin asked if I was okay.
“No,” I said, with fear in my voice. “I’m not okay.”
It felt like admitting defeat. I was just about ready to give up.
“Just a little further,” he said.
It wasn’t. We were maybe only half way. I knew he wasn’t able to swim us both across though. I kept at it. Sometimes I’d drift a little more downstream from him as I paused. The tree downstream was seeming a little too close now. He was telling me to drift downstream of the tree and then to shore instead.
Not too far from shore, I could see he was able to stand. I swam a little more and could almost stand. He helped yanked me up, sputtering out of the water just a ways above the tree.
We ran back to the boat and he unloaded the gear in it while I stripped out of all of my wet clothes and tried to get my warm ones on as quickly as possible. I wanted to cry, but I needed to keep it together in order to get out of here. We weren’t in serious danger, but we needed to stay warm and we were nowhere near cell service.
I was cooling down quickly and struggling to pull clothes over my wet skin. I put dry socks on, but it was useless. Once in my wet boots, they were just about as bad. Luckily, my puffy and thermals were nice and warm. I told Calvin to change clothes, but he was still unloading and trying to bail the boat. He asked if I wanted to get the stove out and make a hot drink or make a fire. It was that or to start heading out.
We looked at his SPOT beacon which was flashing red on SOS even though he had never pressed anything. He tried to reset it, but it seemed to not be working. We really didn’t need people coming to rescue us.
As he pulled the boat out, I finally saw the damage to our beautiful Kevlar canoe. It had spider veins and cracks. Tears welled in my eyes, seeing the damage as though it resembled the damage to us and wondering how we were ever going to fix it and keep going on our trip.
Calvin came over to console me and calm me down. I didn’t want to stop and make a drink. I wanted to keep going and get out of here. Keep moving to stay warm. We needed to stay warm. Calvin changed clothes and then we made moves to head out.
He marked our location on his GPS and we took just about all the gear but the boat and tried to find the road nearby. It started to rain again. About ¾ miles across forested land, we came upon a hunting cabin. It was empty, but we sat on the porch briefly to make a plan and see if our phones worked. We were basically at the road now, but our phones had no service.
We both went back for the boat and other extraneous gear. Calvin had offered to let me stay at the cabin, but I didn’t want to part from him and I wanted to stay warm by moving around. Our dry clothes were quite wet already.
Back at the cabin, we strapped our gear together and rolled out to the dirt road. Calvin had a friend, Pete, who lived in Plattsburgh and we had planned to visit, but now we needed to try to call him to pick us up. There was no way we were getting back on the river today. Pete was our hope for a nice dry place to make a new plan.
As we rolled down the road, I thought about how this would affect the rest of the trip.
“We’re going to finish the trip, right?” I asked Calvin, desperately.
My biggest fears were being realized and the only thing I could think about was getting back out there, one way or another. We had to.
Calvin could not tell me for sure that we’d finish and I knew that. We had to assess the damage to our boat and decide how repairable it was. Looking at our $3000 canoe in rough shape, the boat that was supposed to carry us approximately 700 miles, broke my heart in pieces. We did not have the kind of money to merely replace it. What would become of our trip?
